Flash Fiction – A Bad Night

Kimberly stood in the corner of the living room next to her friend Trisha. She watched in horror as Daniel raised his gun and pointed it at his best friend’s wife, who had broken into his residence.

“You don’t get to just break into a person’s house,” he said in a disturbingly calm voice.

The woman didn’t move. The husband who had left her days before stood behind her pleading for his friend not to shoot. They all ignored Kim and Trisha.

Daniel lifted the gun, aiming a foot above their heads and fired.

The woman turned and buried her face into her husband’s shoulder.

Daniel went to a chair and picked up the phone, dialing 911. He explained to the operator, in that composed voice, that he had fired a shot at an intruder. He detailed the steps he took while on the phone. “I am unloading the gun now. It’s a 9 mm with hollow point bullets. I am placing the cartridge on the side table near the front window. Yes I have made sure nothing was in the chamber. No one was hit.”

Kimberly exchanged glances with her friend. All she could think was that this couldn’t be the first time that man had done something like this. She turned back to the couple and watched them go out the front door. Both were crying. Not knowing what else to do, she sat on the couch and waited for the police to arrive. She thought back over the evening. Her roommate, Trisha, met Daniel a few weeks before at the club and liked him. When they went out and ran into him again this evening she wanted to hook up with him. He was there with a friend and they asked the girls to go to Daniel’s house with them. Kim didn’t trust him, she never trusted men with lazy hair, and had no intention of anything happening with the friend. At first she refused but Trisha begged her to go. She didn’t want to go alone with two guys. So Kim went.

The friend, she couldn’t remember his name, had spent all night talking about his wife. They had separated recently. He was drunk, so one moment he’s listing the woman’s worst qualities and the next he’s in tears because he misses her. Kim knew that he wouldn’t try to sleep with her but she dreaded being stuck talking to him while her friend and his were doing their thing.

She spent forty-five minutes sitting on one end of Daniel’s couch, while the friend sat on the other. Then there was a banging on the door. It was the wife. She was screaming for them to come out. Kimberly could hear her threatening to do bodily harm to anyone in the house. The friend stared at the door but didn’t answer it. He didn’t speak. When Kim asked if he thought he should answer, he whispered that maybe she would go away if she thought no one was home. Was he that drunk or that stupid?

Eventually the knocking and yelling stopped. There was five minutes of quiet. Then from the back of a house came a muffled crash. An instant later the wife barges into the living room, having come in through the back door and sees her husband sitting there.

“But you hate red-heads!” She looked at Kim, but Kim just shook her head. The husband didn’t say a word, not even when his wife started punching and kicking him.

Kimberly jumped off the couch as Daniel and Trisha rushed into the room. Daniel had a gun. Trisha asked what he was going to do with it but he ignored her.

Now Kim was stuck sitting on this crazy man’s couch wondering what would happen next. The police arrived and separated everyone to ask questions. She answered them all honestly. No she wasn’t there to hook up with the friend. Yes her friend was there to sleep with Daniel. No he hadn’t said he would kill anyone. No, she hadn’t known the woman had powder burns in her eyes. Then came a question she was unprepared for.

“You look really familiar. Have we met before, my name is Henry.”

Kim groaned. She hadn’t recognized him at first but she did know him. Before she could answer, he figured it out.

“Aren’t you Kimberly Preston?” At her nod, he continued. “I used to live next door to you! The last time I saw you, you were just a little thing.”

She laughed uncomfortably. Could this night get any worse? She was from a very small town. By tomorrow everyone that had known her as a child would have heard the story. He finished his questions and went to discuss the situation with the other officers. Trisha came and sat next to her.

“Well that was weird.”

Kim knew that if there were not eight cops in the area she would have punched her friend in the face. “The next time you want to hook up with someone, go alone.” She stood up and walked out the front door. She stopped when she got to Henry and asked if she could leave. He said yes and said he would tell his mother she said hello. She passed by the friend and his wife as she went to her car. From what she overheard, one good thing came out of the night. The crazy jerk with the gun had saved their marriage.

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7 comments

  1. I am guessing (since it says “rough draft”) that you’d like comments.

    I really like the opening lines. And you complete that plot line to the end. I was amused by the policeman knowing her as a young girl. And I thought the Middle, start, middle, end progression worked quite well.

    I got too confused about who was doing what. (It’s probably an age thing) There was the husband and wife. Was the wife Trisha? Or was Trisha going to hook up with the husband and not Daniel? I was confused as to who Henry was until I realized it was the policeman interviewing her. (Maybe add a line, “The tall, sandy haired policeman interviewed her with the expected questions…” That way you have a reference for “Then came the question she was unprepared for.”)

    A great short short.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. The characters are Kimberly, her friend Trisha, Daniel, the friend and the friend’s wife. Oh and the cop. I should probably just name the friend and his wife. I definitely need to add descriptions. For some reason when I’m in the process of writing a first draft I almost always ignore description of people and setting. I know what it/they look like in my head and I want to get the thoughts out. I figure I can go back in and add the rest. That’s probably a bad habit I should break. Thank you for the suggestions.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I, too, was a little confused in the beginnings by keeping track of who was who, but it’s hard to have four people in the room at the same time, in your opening paragraphs.

    Overall, I enjoyed this a lot! And you had me chuckling at the end, which is definitely a plus. And at the red-head thing. Good work 😀

    Liked by 1 person

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