Because sometimes, one just needs a silly story…

---

Celyn was the most beautiful maiden in the six realms. How anyone knew this was beyond her. She lived in a tall secluded tower her entire life and no one had ever seen her face. Yet they came. Princes, kings, knights, and common men alike appeared at the foot of her tower often, begging for her hand.

She watched from above at their attempts to reach her and wondered why they did so. She knew they would never reach her. Still the men tried.

The first had scaled the tower, even made it to her window, causing her to scream in fear at the shock of a stranger invading her home. The man was so startled he lost his grip and fell. Celyn assumed his death would keep others from trying to rescue her.

How wrong she was. Evil Marence, he who had built the tower for Celyn did everything he could to keep the suitors away. First there was the oil. It worked on the next two men to try climbing the tower. No matter how hard each tried, neither could find a way up. Both gave up.

The next man, a clever prince, brought metal spikes and made it halfway up before Marence lit the oil. It was weeks before anyone made another attempt. He dug a moat, but a rich king had a bridge built.

He set an ogre to guard Celyn but a passing knight heard her singing and unable to resist, he killed the creature. Next came a trio of orc guards, which almost caused a race war, so they were fired. A Minotaur kept many away for a few months but he was called back home.

A dragon was brought in, but that only brought scores of men to the tower, each determined to slay the beast and claim the fair maiden. The dragon wisely flew away to save himself. The men stayed.

Finally came the day Marence went out to confront the men gathered in the meadow near her tower. Sensing his defeat, she hurried after him. He reached the men before her. As she came up behind him she heard one of them demanding he let Celyn go. She saw several swords drawn and could feel a spell being cast. Quickly she cast her own spell, turning all the men, except Marence, into toads.

“Why did you do that?” he asked her.

“Because I never wanted a man, but I’ve always wanted a toad,” Celyn replied. “Plus I don’t want you to have to spend any more money keeping them away. This solves all our problems.”

“Good thinking.”

The evil wizard and his witch daughter walked back to the tower. “Father, do you think that Minotaur will come back? He was kind of cute.”

---

The names, if not the personalities, were inspired by Mark Lawrence.