Stanley was destined to hate life from birth. He was supposed to have been born a boy, that’s what the doctor had assured the mother of. Stanley’s father had nearly burst with pride and his parents bought every boy related item under the sun for their impending arrival. A name was settled upon easily. Stanley Allen Stevenson. The first name for his father, the middle for his mother’s uncle.

When the big day came and the child was a girl they ditched the middle name and stubbornly kept the first. She became Stanley Margret Stevenson and she wore a lot of blue.

One would think the girl would be the victim of merciless teasing, kids can be so cruel. Not Stanley, or not for long. At first she tried to go by her middle name but the other kids said it was a grandma name. Then she tried the name Leigh but it never caught on. Finally she made the decision that all children were awful, including herself so she would act accordingly.

Stanley singled out a few of the strongest and most popular boys and beat them up. Thus began a reign of terror her small town never forgot, even after she moved to the big city. When she came home to visit her parents the mom and pop stores closed and people stayed off the streets. No one ever picked on her again.

Eventually Stanley found love and got married. She was nice, as much as she could be, to her husband but her disposition changed little.

Now some people mellow with age, not Stanley. She hated most adults too and became an expert at making everyone around her miserable. She held a special place in her black heart for kids though. Nothing made her happier than ruining some random child’s day or making a teenager feel bad about themselves.

To further her passion she got a job in the only toy store in her city. Stanley was a hard worker and quickly moved up the ranks to management. Oh the stories she could tell of meanness, entrapment and accusations she delighted in.

Her favorite tale was of the little girl she made cry over a stuffed pony. The child ran to her mother and they came back to yell at Stanley. Since she felt no remorse they left without satisfaction. However, before exiting the store the mother informed Stanley she would place a curse on her. She would pay for the way she treated her daughter and all the other children she’d heard about. Of course Stanley had a reputation by then.

A couple of months after the curse, Stanley got very sick. She could hardly eat, she threw up all the time and she was always tired. She went to the doctor and after some tests that made no sense to her she realized the curse had worked. It was the worst possible thing that could ever happen to her.

Quintuplets. The end.

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I’ve said this before, sometimes you just need a silly story. This one was a great outlet after the incident my daughter had this weekend. Perhaps I’ll write more adventures for Stanley one of these days.