Yesterday sucked. I only wrote 222 words. I didn’t feel good and was in pain and for the first time during this Nanowrimo season I didn’t fight through it. At first I felt some writer’s guilt, but now I’m just angry. At myself and at my body.
This year Nanowrimo has taken on a new meaning. Yes I want to get words on paper. Yes I want to win. Yes I want to finish my first draft. What’s become more important is not letting pain win. I might not win, and in fact I assumed I wouldn’t when this started, but I want to get close. Every word I get written is like sticking my tongue out at the pain. Every sentence is a HA and each paragraph is a waving middle finger to all the crap I’ve gone through.
For those who don’t know I’m have many problems with my lower back, not through injury, just through genetics and living. The other thing to know is I am the biggest baby on the planet when it comes to pain. My mother always said I had the pain tolerance of a piss ant. I’m not even sure what a piss ant is but I’m forced to agree. Obviously I have built up some tolerance during the last six months but either I’m still wimpy or the pain is really that bad. Doesn’t matter because to me it’s horrible. I’m sick and tired of this pain leading my life. It was actually when I started thinking of skipping Nanowrimo that I got mad enough to say screw this I’m doing it anyway.
So back to yesterday. Between the pain and feeling yicky I let it all weigh me down. I don’t regret taking most of the day off but as I promised myself at the beginning of November, now I have to make up for it. I’ve written well over the daily goal of 1667 so I have some padding but I can’t guess when I’ll have another bad day so I’ll pretend I don’t have backup. I also don’t have any clue how today will go. I had a ‘what-if’ moment a bit ago that could spur some good writing so I’m hopeful.
What if the people of the compound Drae lives in and is the temporary leader of turn their backs on her when they find out her secret? What if they throw her out to fend for herself in the town of vengeful ghosts who are particularly targeting her?
Whoa! Doing this would change so much of the story, it practically blows the second half of the second act to pieces, but the change is much needed. I’ll have to think about it for a bit and maybe write up a basic outline to see if I can work with it but I’m excited about the idea. Hopefully my next update will reflect a good outcome from it.
Nanowrimo word count as of this morning:19,133