Nanowrimo Day 9

Yesterday sucked. I only wrote 222 words. I didn’t feel good and was in pain and for the first time during this Nanowrimo season I didn’t fight through it. At first I felt some writer’s guilt, but now I’m just angry. At myself and at my body.

This year Nanowrimo has taken on a new meaning. Yes I want to get words on paper. Yes I want to win. Yes I want to finish my first draft. What’s become more important is not letting pain win. I might not win, and in fact I assumed I wouldn’t when this started, but I want to get close. Every word I get written is like sticking my tongue out at the pain. Every sentence is a HA and each paragraph is a waving middle finger to all the crap I’ve gone through.

For those who don’t know I’m have many problems with my lower back, not through injury, just through genetics and living. The other thing to know is I am the biggest baby on the planet when it comes to pain. My mother always said I had the pain tolerance of a piss ant. I’m not even sure what a piss ant is but I’m forced to agree. Obviously I have built up some tolerance during the last six months but either I’m still wimpy or the pain is really that bad. Doesn’t matter because to me it’s horrible. I’m sick and tired of this pain leading my life. It  was actually when I started thinking of skipping Nanowrimo that I got mad enough to say screw this I’m doing it anyway.

So back to yesterday. Between the pain and feeling yicky I let it all weigh me down. I don’t regret taking most of the day off but as I promised myself at the beginning of November, now I have to make up for it. I’ve written well over the daily goal of 1667 so I have some padding but I can’t guess when I’ll have another bad day so I’ll pretend I don’t have backup. I also don’t have any clue how today will go. I had a ‘what-if’ moment a bit ago that could spur some good writing so I’m hopeful.

What if the people of the compound Drae lives in and is the temporary leader of turn their backs on her when they find out her secret? What if they throw her out to fend for herself in the town of vengeful ghosts who are particularly targeting her?

Whoa! Doing this would change so much of the story, it practically blows the second half of the second act to pieces, but the change is much needed. I’ll have to think about it for a bit and maybe write up a basic outline to see if I can work with it but I’m excited about the idea. Hopefully my next update will reflect a good outcome from it.

Nanowrimo word count as of this morning:19,133

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7 comments

  1. Sending much encouragement and writer-love your way! I feel for you, being in pain; and commend your willpower and drive to do this. NaNoWriMo is hard to do just by itself! I didn’t write my word count yesterday either, but that had to do more with my crappy mood than anything else. Good for you for not beating yourself up. 🙂

    I love fabulous ideas! I need one, myself. I’m feeling a little stuck, and probably need to do some brainstorming.

    You got this!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Unfortunately, the pain rules you or you learn to rule the pain. Even with perseverance, it will still rear its ugly head. Anger produces stress and tightens the body, upsets the mind, thus creating more pain. I wish I could tell you I can control my constant pain. I’ve had over 25 years of practice, and still I get angry at my body, knowing it only hurts me more. All I can say to encourage you is each time you rise above the pain, without pills–the body only creates more pain to crave more pills–the more you win and the pain loses. Those are sweet victories.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I try not to get upset but I find I get frustrated a lot easier since the pain started. It’s an ugly cycle. I have a couple of procedures coming up that won’t completely stop the pain but will help some. As for pills, well I’m allergic to the big bad ones. I only take Aleve. I’m terrified of pills. Thank you for your kind words. I hope I can be as strong as you clearly are as I go down this unwanted road.

      Like

  3. There will be up days and there will be down days. I hope you can create enough of a cushion to cover any down ones.. If not and you don’t complete Nano because of the pain you haven’t failed. You’re up by whatever your word count is at the end and can finish the project at any time to be a winner.
    I hope you can do it without pain and that you have something to help during the vicious times.
    xxx Massive Hugs xxx

    Liked by 1 person

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