I’m starting to feel a bit better but it’s still been rough. I’m not taking pain meds as often as I was so I’m less foggy but I’m still taking some so I’m not really able to concentrate as much as I’d like.
For the life of me, I can’t understand how people get addicted to pain pills. I hate this feeling. I would rather be in complete control of myself and BE myself than this weird floaty, barely me B.S. If I could throw away this medication today and be able to function I would.
Eating is still a problem but I’ve managed to find a few foods I can use as a go-to when I can’t eat anything else. Pecans, Gardhettos, tortillas and Pringle’s sticks. I can also eat half a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and at least one piece of toast with a tiny bit of butter on it. I can eat real food, just not every time I try. For the first time a couple of days ago, ranch dressing sounded disgusting to me so I didn’t eat my typical grilled chicken salad. Instead I had a sandwich. I’m such a creature of habit that I thought my head would explode from the change, haha.
As I cut back on the medications, I’ll be able to eat more normally. As it is, I’ve lost a lot of weight. Normally I’d be happy but not when it’s in such an unhealthy way.
When it comes to pain, everything seems to be changing. I’m less sore when I am sitting up, either in a desk chair or recliner. However, when I lay down, I find it hurts more than previously when I try to get comfortable. Because of this I think my body decided it would be better if I fall asleep every time I am on the bed. I’m not a daytime nap person so it irritates me to no end when I fall asleep unexpectedly. I can’t sit in a chair all day so it’s inevitable I nap every day, at least once.
This morning I fell asleep for about an hour but normally it’s only a 15-20 minute power nap that is forced on me. I shouldn’t complain since it’s clearly what my body needs but I will anyway.
As for writing, nope. I have been thinking about the story idea I had last week but I haven’t written anything down yet. I still can’t read books (yet another reason I want off of pain pills), and even short stories are beyond me for now. Maybe I’ll try to search out some really short flash fiction today and see how I do. I miss fiction!
I’ve only gotten out of the house a few times so I haven’t taken any photos either. Being housebound sucks. A lot. I was so desperate to get out of here last week that I went to Sam’s with my husband and drove one of those scooter/cart things. I didn’t crash into anything or run anyone over! Then yesterday we needed to go there again and I was able to walk. I was so happy. I was also worn out but it was worth it.
So all in all, I’m getting better but I’m still not really me yet. I have to take two different pain medications, alternating. I’ve managed to cut out one of the morning pills, which is why I can function long enough to write updates. My goal for this week is to cut out another dosage. This is the really strong, mess me up, I hate it medication so I want it gone! Perhaps my next update will be better and less all over the place if I can get off that med.
My other goal is to get outside and walk around a bit. Even just to the end of the block. I live in the middle of it so it’s not too far and will help with the cabin fever.
One last goal/dream. If I’m lucky I’ll be able to write something this week. If I do, even if it’s bad, I’ll post it. Fingers crossed!