Update 3/21/2016

I’m starting to feel a bit better but it’s still been rough. I’m not taking pain meds as often as I was so I’m less foggy but I’m still taking some so I’m not really able to concentrate as much as I’d like.

For the life of me, I can’t understand how people get addicted to pain pills. I hate this feeling. I would rather be in complete control of myself and BE myself than this weird floaty, barely me B.S. If I could throw away this medication today and be able to function I would.

Eating is still a problem but I’ve managed to find a few foods I can use as a go-to when I can’t eat anything else. Pecans, Gardhettos, tortillas and Pringle’s sticks. I can also eat half a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and at least one piece of toast with a tiny bit of butter on it. I can eat real food, just not every time I try. For the first time a couple of days ago, ranch dressing sounded disgusting to me so I didn’t eat my typical grilled chicken salad. Instead I had a sandwich. I’m such a creature of habit that I thought my head would explode from the change, haha.

As I cut back on the medications, I’ll be able to eat more normally. As it is, I’ve lost a lot of weight. Normally I’d be happy but not when it’s in such an unhealthy way.

When it comes to pain, everything seems to be changing. I’m less sore when I am sitting up, either in a desk chair or recliner. However, when I lay down, I find it hurts more than previously when I try to get comfortable. Because of this I think my body decided it would be better if I fall asleep every time I am on the bed. I’m not a daytime nap person so it irritates me to no end when I fall asleep unexpectedly. I can’t sit in a chair all day so it’s inevitable  I nap every day, at least once.

This morning I fell asleep for about an hour but normally it’s only a 15-20 minute power nap that is forced on me. I shouldn’t complain since it’s clearly what my body needs but I will anyway.

As for writing, nope. I have been thinking about the story idea I had last week but I haven’t written anything down yet. I still can’t read books (yet another reason I want off of pain pills), and even short stories are beyond me for now. Maybe I’ll try to search out some really short flash fiction today and see how I do. I miss fiction!

I’ve only gotten out of the house a few times so I haven’t taken any photos either. Being housebound sucks. A lot. I was so desperate to get out of here last week that I went to Sam’s with my husband and drove one of those scooter/cart things. I didn’t crash into anything or run anyone over! Then yesterday we needed to go there again and I was able to walk. I was so happy. I was also worn out but it was worth it.

So all in all, I’m getting better but I’m still not really me yet. I have to take two different pain medications, alternating. I’ve managed to cut out one of the morning pills, which is why I can function long enough to write updates. My goal for this week is to cut out another dosage. This is the really strong, mess me up, I hate it medication so I want it gone! Perhaps my next update will be better and less all over the place if I can get off that med.

My other goal is to get outside and walk around a bit. Even just to the end of the block. I live in the middle of it so it’s not too far and will help with the cabin fever.

One last goal/dream. If I’m lucky I’ll be able to write something this week. If I do, even if it’s bad, I’ll post it. Fingers crossed!

 

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4 comments

  1. Hi. Just so you know the words above constitute writing, just maybe not in the form you usually do. As far as addiction, I was for 5 yrs. Disn’t want to be but when you are in pain and you have a doc that pushes you on them, addiction happens fast

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I was thinking the same thing DB Kerr wrote; that you’ve done a bit of writing–and I hope you find it useful–here on your blog. Baby steps, as they say. It will get better; I told myself that when I couldn’t walk after I had my first operation. I have to admit, never having used ‘street drugs’ in my life, that the morphine they gave me in the hospital was rather pleasant; if I were ever in extreme, off-the-charts pain again, I wouldn’t mind to use that, but I have no desire to take Vicodin ever again. Anyway, enough about me, hope you continue to progress, Kristi–fingers way crossed for you!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Pain meds: I hate medications too. The out-of-control feeling is not a good one. I think some people like the feeling. Maybe they’re super risk takers. Maybe they’re the type who always want to be taken care of, dependant. Or maybe they’re attention mongers.

    Peanut butter is always good. I envy you. I can’t eat peanut butter because of a weak gall bladder. If I could eat it, I’d be taking a tablespoon and dipping into the jar all the time.

    Although getting outside can only help you and you should do it, until you get off the meds, I do suggest you have someone close by in case you need him or her. At least take a cell phone, okay?

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I think your writing output, as demonstrated by this blog post, is pretty incredible! And as long as there is peanut butter in this world, things will always be better. I hope you have continued good progress with your pain, and the writing will find itself back once your body tells it to. Fingers crossed! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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