Writing: I’ve written almost every day. I only skipped one. This probably sounds like too much but at the moment it’s helping me get back to normal.
The new story is moving along well. I’m still plotting, planning and writing random scenes as they come to me, but it’s definitely taking shape. I actually have a few too many ideas. It’s like my brain is trying to make up for all the fogginess of the previous months while on pain pills. Even in conversations I skip all over the place and have many moments of distraction. “Shiny Syndrome” I like to think of it.
It’s causing me a bit of a problem as I try to move forward with my story. Not only do I have too many ideas for this story but I keep getting cool ones for other stories, mostly my fantasy trilogy.
I chose to put it to the side for a while because I’ve worked on it for too long and it overwhelms me right now when I don’t feel 100% myself. It’s calling to me though. I’m definitely tempted, which is frustrating.
The logical part of me says to push it away and keep working on the newer story. The side needing a smackdown reminds me of the last time this happened. During Nanowrimo I was writing my ghost story when I kept getting distracted by a fairy tale. I couldn’t shake it and almost of its own volition it grew into an almost complete story and I had to stop the first and write the second. The newer book became my first real complete first draft, in fifteen days!
Now I know a trilogy isn’t going to be written in fifteen days, but it’s still luring me in. I’m almost excited about writing it again. But I’m excited about writing my current story. Hell, it has a title now: The Order of Life. It takes me forever to come up with a title and once a story has one it’s forever in my head until I finish writing it. I really should keep working on it.
If I change now then I put myself back in the position of having a lot of novels in various stages of completion. I know I’ll finish them all but at this rate in a couple of years I’ll have twelve books to publish instead of finishing them and putting them out in the world over time.
Honestly I know this is my fear issue. Fear of finishing or not finishing, fear of failing, even fear of succeeding. Add in the writer’s guilt for not writing what I’m ‘supposed’ to be and it equals stress and over thinking. I’ll let you all know what I decide when I decide it.
At this point, after all I went through, I believe as long as I’m writing I’m good.
Health: I’m getting stronger. I started going to the gym last weekend. The first day I got on a recumbent bike and an elliptical. I learned two things. The bike hurts after a while because I have a cracked tailbone. Leaning back hurts but a regular bike hurts my back so I have to pick the lesser evil. Second, the elliptical is a torture device and awesome. I thought I was dying using it the first time but I kept going, for five minutes. I was not happy.
It brought out my stubborn nature. I need the elliptical. It isn’t fun but it only hurts me in the I haven’t worked out in ages way. So I’ve gone back every day and gotten back on the damn thing. Today was my longest time using it. I was so happy. It won’t defeat me! Five minutes are nothing now.
I met with a trainer and added some machines on Monday. I only use those on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. It’s the same story as the elliptical. It was hard at first but not so much anymore. There are things I can’t do until the three-month mark and some I can’t do for much longer but there are enough machines I can use that I feel stronger, healthier and more normal. I also think writing after I workout is helping me with focus, but it could be a coincidence.
My back really bothers me in the evening but it’s not related to the working out. The doctor says it’s normal at this stage in my recovery. I keep Tylenol on hand and deal with it. I haven’t taken more than two doses in a day for a while now. I’m just happy to be off the big drugs and to be much better now.
Writing Not-writing: Back to the writing thing, there is one thing I planned to do but haven’t. i wanted to do the Story a Day May challenge but I have not. There are many reasons and a couple of excuses. Mainly I was overwhelmed. I was busy the first day, and the second day I didn’t feel like working on something other than my current work in progress.
As the days went by it was easy to ignore the daily email. Finally on Thursday I looked at the prompts. I hated them. All of them. I decided it was too much for me to try to write short stuff while working on something else.
Then I had a short story idea last night. I was forced to admit I was making excuses about the challenge. It’s true I haven’t liked the prompts but so what? I don’t know if I’ll try to catch up or keep ignoring it. Guilt might factor in. We’ll see.
Once again it comes down to fear. The last time I did this challenge I spent all my writing time on short stuff. There was nothing accomplished on the story I was working on at all. I’m afraid the same will happen now and if it does I might not ever get back the creative flow for my story. If I felt more like myself maybe it would be different.
I hope to have a different update on this subject late this week. As a side note, if I actually write the story I had the idea for yesterday I’ll post it soon.
I’m still playing around with logo stuff so expect to see one at the bottom of my posts for a while. I had my husband make one and many more to come until I’m sure I love it, because I can’t stand the way these posts look on Facebook without a picture. Since all my blog posts go on there automatically this is important to me. A big white box looks ridiculous.