Flash Fiction – The Day Darlene Went To Heaven

Darlene was right, always. She had known it since she was small. Now she was grown and had a mission. Everyone else needed to know how right she was. Sharing her knowledge and superior opinion became her life’s mission.

Political debate on Facebook? She was there.  An argument on Twitter about tolerance? Oh yeah, her favorite. Religion? Darlene’s was the one true way, so she never missed one of those. Is the dress white or blue? Ha! She would drown the ones who guessed wrong in comments.

Of course, she wasn’t a troll. Only someone who was wrong could be a troll in her opinion, and everyone knew her views were correct. At least they would. She wouldn’t stop until they did.

Wasn’t that was life was all about? Making sure everyone followed the correct path and thought in the right way. These were the things she said to herself often.

She was congratulating herself on a successful online rant the day she stepped in front of a bus. Her disappointment was profound. Darlene couldn’t believe it was her time. There were still so many people she needed to put in their place.

Alas, he couldn’t stop as her spirit floated up to heaven. She landed on a fluffy cloud in front of Saint Peter. She glanced around and saw that the pearly gates looked exactly the way they should. Peter, however, did not. She told him so, and for his benefit, she went into detail of how he was supposed to look.

When she finished, she found a bench, crossed her arms, and waited for him to put things right.

Peter sighed and stared at his lists for a time. Finally, an idea struck him. He made her a special place, full of only people like her. It only took an hour for her to come to him saying she set all the others right and she begged to go to the other place to fix it as well.

It only took thirty minutes for the ruler of the other place to implore Peter to take her back. It took Peter only a moment to decide it wasn’t her time. He put her back on earth early in the morning of the day she was supposed to die. He started a Twitter fight about celebrities in politics to keep her home.

As far as Peter is concerned, Darlene will live forever.

 

Rough draft 400 words


This story isn’t from a prompt. I wrote the bones of it a few weeks ago and today I decided to do some minor revision and post it. There was something I didn’t quite like about it but I didn’t know what.

I finally realized there were a lot of repeated words and punctuation issues (thanks, Grammarly). Once these were fixed I noticed a few problems with the way it flowed so I revised them. I’m still calling it a rough draft because it’s not ‘perfect.’

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3 comments

  1. I had quite a giggle at this. Apart from the annoying feature of Darlene’s personality, setting everyone right, I did like the backhanded way you dealt with it…..it says something doesn’t it when even heaven can’t cope with people like her…the downside of course is we on earth are lumbered with them.
    On another note I did notice something that I struggle with often: In this sentence the word “often” is needed but I always question where in the sentence it is best to go.
    “These were the things she said to herself often.”
    I would be tempted to say: “These were things she often said to herself.”
    I’m not sure which is the more correct and my version could reflect my context, in Australia, we often do things slightly differently.
    But I did enjoy the whole concept of the piece.

    Liked by 1 person

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